The Snarky Girl's Guide to Great Last-minute Gifts
By Therese Edwards • photography by Mel Carll
January, 2010 - Issue #63
Don't let last-minute panic drive you to poor-gift-giving epiphanies (Doggy-themed socks for everyone!), or, worse, to the poor house. These fabulously-affordable presents are what everyone wants to see under the tree.
For: Stylehog
Hey Dior purse girl. Yeah. I'm talking to you. Have recessionistas the fashion world over taught you nothing? It's no longer posh to sport a bag as big (in price) as a house payment. Stick to coveted style that keeps red ink at bay and will make friends see green.
 Regardless of whether or not she proudly displays the word "Juicy" over her round nether regions, she'll flaunt the brand's iphone case, candle and zip clutch. $20-$78 j. serraino 255-9944 |
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 We have it on high authority that the angels in heaven give newcomers Ugg boots right after their wings. It makes sense; hese comfy shoes must be God's way of making up for the stiletto heel. Pair them with Ugg's new line of bags. Valencia Shoes 288- |
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 There's a bad ass babe hiding within every "lady" SCVian. Unleash the vixen with a too-cool jacket. $132Threads 254-5544 |
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 Investing in a timeless leather Hobo wallet now means that she won't have to open it to fork over more cash for a crappy knock off later. $108 Priscilla's Closet 253-1125 |
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For: Homegirl
Make her house more like home. Or, make a work-a-holic's office more like home. Either way, you'll be a welcome guest when you arrive with one of these presents in tow.
 There's clever, and then there's freakishly brilliant. These luxuriously-scented ROOT designer tassels fall into the second category. $29.99 Candleman 257-9420 |
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 Warm. Gentle. Attentive to your needs. If there's a better stand in for the man of your dreams than a "Don't Freak it's Faux" blanket, I've yet to see it. $50-$269 Macc Designs 295-7755 |
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 So what if the rest of her house doesn't hold a candle to, well, these Lux candles? You've gotta start somewhere. $25-$32 La Via Bella 222-7006 |
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For: Bahumbug-er
Suck it up, Scrooge. Yeah, some things bite right now. But when you count your blessings, you'll realize you actually have a whole lot to be happy about. It's not too late to convert others to your new Mary Poppins mindset. Play Santa Claus and do both of you a favor.
 If Prozac made Christmas displays, the effervescently cheerful Byer's Choice "Carolers" would be the brand's best seller. It's like they're double daring you to frown. $62-$72 Green Thumb 259-1072 |
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 Make gift giving a religious experience with "Place of Angels" ornaments and the "Faith & Hope" tablet by Englishman in LA. $19.95-$54 MaMaison 799-7983 |
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For: Realmama
"There's nothing more fulfilling than the role of mother." These gifts are for the women who, despite adoring their children, want to scream "Lies! All lies!" - just a little bit - after reading that sentence.
 "Who are these children, and why are they calling me Mom?" is the perfect quandary to put on a tank that will eventually be found in an overstuffed laundry basket between a grass-stained football uniform and ballet leotard. $30 Naughty but Nice 222-2 |
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 For the mom who wants to commemorate every nanosecond of their offspring's life like a pro, a gift certificate for photography classes is almost as appreciated as a nanny cam. SCV Center for Photography 904-2092 |
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 I love Earth Mama, Angel Baby stuff. The super-luxurious organic products are nice enough to help carry on the delusion that you know what the heck to do with a screaming newborn. ABC Baby Furniture 775-0360 |
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 For the mom who's said, "Sara, is that my good white shirt you're wearing?" or "Tommy, get my pen out of your nose," one too many times, the Natural Life personal care collection will both inspire and visually declare, "Hands off - it's MINE." $4-$15 |
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For: Winesnob
We're a real American town. Santa Claritans bleed red, white and blue - with an emphasis on the red and white.
 Tell your favorite frenemy to stick a cork in it with a bejeweled wine stopper that simultaneously declares, "You're fabulous! Now please shut up." $11.25 (reg. $18.75) Advantage Tile Stone Design 295-9819 |
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 The Elegance Duo is the only way it's ever appropriate to give - or drink - wine out of a box. $29.99 and up All Corked Up 799-7979 |
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 Booze in a brown bag? Wino! Booze in a black bag? Wine connoisseur! The Black Bag wine club membership includes two bottles of wine, plus an invite to an exclusive members-only tasting to try four wines, and then select the two they enjoy the most. $ |
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For: Manlymen
I know what men really want: women. Whether it's our approval or our undying love, the finer sex (ahem...) is a driving motivator for the Testosteroned Ones. Here are some gifts that'll help them in their manly quest.
 Tervis should have named their made-in-the-USA tumblers the "nag free" gift of the year. Not only do the clever cups keep hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold, but they reduce condensation to prevent every woman's kryptonite: rings on the coffee table. |
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 Sometimes males need a little encouragement to think outside the fashion box. "You look so good in that International Laundry shirt. I think you should take it off," should do it. $165 J.David's Custom Clothiers 287-3636 |
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 Wanna make him blush like a school boy? Have one of your friends ask him what he got for Christmas - after he gazes on your smoking hot "just for him" boudoir spread. Starting at $300 Teri Montoya 810-7840 |
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For: Jewelthief
You're favorite gal pal will make the White House party crashers look like Z-list amateurs (Oh, wait - they are Z-list amateurs!) when she's regularly confused for a prettier version of someone rich and famous. Her trick? Bling that looks like a million bucks but costs less than a reality star's weave.
 Fashion don'ts the world over will bend down to kiss her Rebecca ring (or bracelet) when she makes like royalty nouveau and shows off semi-precious stones, that - like her personality - are too bold to contain. $430-$455 Bella Jewelers 255-0819 |
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 Fake it ‘til you make it, Baby. As brilliant as diamonds without the blindsiding cost, the Swarovski line - including bangles and the Breast Cancer Awareness pendant - are a budget-savvy girl's best friend. $70-$125 Bella Jewelers 255-0819 |
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For: Healthnut
Hate is a strong word, which is why I reserve it for international terrorists and my mother-of-five neighbor who has calves so sharp, they cut into my heart with every one of her stroller-jogging steps. But by all means, don't let my too-soft underbelly of emotions get in the way of celebrating the health and fitness of those around you.
 They'll finally be able to leave the muffin top at the bakery when they pull on sweat-wicking, blister-avoiding "toe socks" and hit the pavement come January 1. $11.99 Runners Lane 260-3368 |
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 After a holiday season filled with stress and fatty deliciousness, I'm thinking that a collection of yoga accessories - like a bolster, Jade Harmony mat, Sigg bottle and bamboo block - should be Santa's gift for you this year. $22-$40 Yogaworks 799-2 |
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