Two natural births and one dream of a tummy tuck later (Oh, if it wasn't only a dream!), I find myself stuck between a bikini and a hard place (aka: the "Grandma" suit I donned last season). Determined not to again encase my still-youngish body in yards of swim-skirt fabric and a heavy cloak of flabby-butt-induced shame, I turned to local businesses to find my way back to "bikini beautiful" (though I'm cool with settling for "tankini tight").

Make Exercise Accessible
I have three kids and two careers. Gym time? In my world, that's an oxymoron. That's why I'm drawn to Jodi's Backyard Boot Camp - an exercise program that comes to you. The most affordable boot camp in town boasts discounts of up to 40 percent off and sessions in Sand Canyon, Stevenson Ranch, Tesoro and Happy Valley - so I'm never far away from a butt-kicking cardio tone session. I might even join her running club (They're getting ready to run a half marathon over the Golden Gate Bridge!). With a BS in Exercise Science, I'm drawn to Jodi's knowledgeable promise to help me with my weight, nutrition and sports goals. (Walking on the beach without a sarong is a sport, right?);
993-3374 www.jodisbackyardbootcamp.com

Fake it 'til You make It
A tan covers all sorts of ills. Cellulite is masked, bruises are bumped from sight and pasty skin is transformed with a "I just Vacationed in the Bahamas" glow. Too bad pesky skin cancer, sun damage and wrinkles ruin our tanning fun. Faking it Flawless Custom Airbrush Tanning is the healthier alternative to sun worship, minus the orange-sherbet shade often accompanied by lesser faux tans. The gals at FIF will take their gift for glow to you via their surprisingly-affordable VIP mobile service, or book your appointment at Garrett Markenson Coiffure;
476-4922 or 297-2900 www.fakingitflawless.com

Say Goodbye to Cellulite
I'm hesitant to believe many "cellulite reduction" product claims. Lotion that gets rid of my orange-peel tush? Please - stop insulting my intelligence (and my tush). But the M'Lis Body Contour Program, available at Balance Point Spa, is different. The M'Lis wrap uses a niacin and herbal formulation which works externally to internally. This type of program aids in the removal of wastes that have become trapped in the connective tissue, building cellulite. It is basically a cleansing process of the tissue underneath the skin that helps restore elasticity to loose, flabby skin, too. It does not dehydrate or age your body. You can lose up to half a dress size with each wrap, with a guarantee of four to 14 inches per treatment. Benefits are immediate and inch loss is permanent (unless you go back to old habits);
252-0650 www.balancepointspa.com

Give Spider Veins a Run for their Money
Sometimes I think that pregnancy and genetics have ganged up to perform a cruel joke on my body. Tiny purple and red veins have made such an intricate connection of roadways on my legs, even Google Maps is envious. Now that reproduction is behind me, Valencia Vein Center will be my pre-pool destination this year. Sclerotherapy involves injecting the varicosities (aka: my spider veins!) in the office and then applying a compression bandage. Good sclerotherapy is an art which is only mastered by a doctor who has many years of experience. That's why I'm calling Dr. Panasci;
254-0720 www.drpanasci.com