"Don't worry, there's nothing to be afraid of." How many of us can remember being scared of something as a kid and hearing this traditional dismissive from our parents? Everyone has childhood memories of fear. Maybe it was the dark, or of getting lost in a department store, or big dogs, being left alone or meeting new people.

Parents, out of love and a desire to protect their child, talk to them about all the things they believe their kids should be afraid of, but kids have their own fears. Kids are afraid of bogeymen or what's under their bed or funny looking toys. Parents may not take these fears seriously or dismiss them as not real.

I remember when my husband and I didn't take my youngest son's fear of amusement park rides seriously. We thought it was a new experience for him, not a real fear, so off our family would go to the amusement park. Soon enough, one of us would start to reassure our son: "You'll be fine, you'll have fun, once you've tried it you'll like it..."

This approach didn't help him deal with his fear. If anything, our badgering made him angry. He dug in his little heels and refused to participate. So, for the rest of the day either mommy or daddy was stuck standing on the platform while the other parent rode with his brother.

We never took his fear seriously, but boy was I serious when I made he and his brother practice how to run away if a stranger ever offered them a ride. A child's fear of the thing under the bed is just as real to them as their parents' fears of kidnapping.

Children grow up more confident in their ability to make decisions when their parents help them learn how to handle fear. Sometimes fear is good and can help them make wise decisions. Sometimes fear gets in the way and may make them unhappy. Sometimes fear can keep them from danger. And sometimes fear is in their imagination.

It's important to encourage kids to talk about what they're afraid of in order to help them sort it out. Children can learn to name their fear and figure out if it will help them or get in their way.

Author H. Norman Wright wrote a children's book entitled, "Fears, Doubts, Blues, and Pouts: Stories about Handling Fear, Worry, Sadness and Anger." In one of his stories animal characters use a little rhyme to learn about fear as they deal with life issues: "Fear can be a friend or foe. That's something everyone needs to know."

Parents, maybe you've grown up with the idea that it's not okay to admit fear. The media, society, peer pressure, family - all of these and more influence how we personally handle fear. This in turn affects how, as parents, we handle fear with our children.

If talking about fear is difficult, try using an activity. Take a big piece of paper and have your child draw things they think they should fear on one side and things they think they don't need to fear on the other. Then listen to their explanations and help them understand when fear is good and when they don't need to be afraid.

You can share things that scared you when you were a child and describe what you did to overcome the fears. Ask your child what their biggest fear is and brainstorm things they can do when they feel afraid.

Letting your child know you're really listening to their fears is the first step towards helping them handle their fear.


Kim is not afraid of e-mails. For suggestions, questions and more, contact her at kschafer@insidescv.com.