It's the beginning of that eight-week rush to the holiday season. Thanksgiving is almost here. As parents we're gearing up for the mad dash that happens starting in November and ending New Year's Day when we finally collapse out of breath, out of patience, out of time and usually out of money. And what do our children see as they watch this frantic dash?

They see us get more and more frustrated at the implied attitude that not enough is being done. What they pick up from us is that they need to get more, get bigger, get better, do more and be busier. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Where have all the sound-minded parents gone? What are we teaching our kids year-round? I believe the holidays simply exaggerate what's going on all year in many homes all across America.

"They see us get more and more frustrated at the implied attitude that not enough is being done. What they pick up from us is that they need to get more, get bigger, get better, do more and be busier."

How do we get back to being sound-minded parents? Have we forgotten what sound minded looks like? In Greek, the word for sound minded is "sophronizo." It means "to be disciplined, to do correctly, to teach to be sober minded." Webster defines sound-minded as self-controlled, temperate or moderate in thought or action, not intense or insane.

Are we teaching our children to be sound minded? Do we model the importance of giving our kids what they need, not what they desire? Do we as parents believe we teach them what's important based on need, not desire? I think sometimes we seriously struggle with this because we allow emotionalism to take over. We're driven by our feelings, have the wrong priorities, try to please everyone and pay too much attention to other people's agendas. As a result, our children often become caught up in the concept of "more is more" and "more is better."

I recently read an article published by the Houston Police Department. This article was part of a campaign to tell parents they need to be careful of giving and doing for children based on desire in order to deter raising budding juvenile offenders. I know thinking that we could be raising little criminals may seem extreme but I do think that evaluating what we're modeling could make a huge difference is teaching a child to have a grateful heart, to be satisfied with less and to think outside of themselves. A few of the principles the police department shared really stood out. Do we really do these things?

Beginning with infancy, give our children everything they want so they grow up to believe the world owes them a living.

When kids do or say something bad or outrageous, laugh at them, so they think they're behavior is cute and they can get away with more.

Pick up everything they leave lying around. Do everything you can for them so they grow up to throw all responsibility to others.

Give children a constant source of spending money. Never let them earn for themselves.

Satisfy their every craving for physical things, like clothes, drink, food, comfort and recreation so they
lean on sensual desires for personal gratification.

Parents often do many of the above things and don't look ahead to the affects. I see the results of this rearing its ugly head during the craziness of the holiday. Here are some practical ways to steer clear of the "more is better" syndrome.

Be enthusiastic about simply spending time together.

Pick one thing a week you're each thankful for and share with each other as a family.

Get rest and take breaks so you have energy to spend with your family.

Encourage your kids to do a special holiday volunteer activity together.

Have some of your gifts be things you write or draw, sharing something special about friends and family members.
Decide as a family on a couple of outings and say "no" to the rest.

Set a monetary budget and stick to it. Even if you're blessed financially, remember that less is truly more when it comes to teaching children the importance of true thanksgiving.

Modeling sound mindedness and teaching it to our kids is a proactive parenting tool we can all put into practice. It's never too late to start, and what better time than now?


Kim looks forward to hearing about your family's sound-minded tactics. E-mail her at kschafer@insidescv.com.