"Trick or treat?" makes for a rather nasty greeting. It's an ultimatum. Either treats will be given by the homeowner or the snubbed children will get their revenge with trickery. But growing up, I was more worried about tricks that might be played on me. It probably had a lot to do with my mom's insistence on checking every piece of Halloween candy. A combination of TV news sensationalism and suburban legend telling had led to grossly-overblown fears over what might be lurking in candy: rat poison, razor blades, metal filings. She told us this as she looked for evidence of candy wrapper tampering, perhaps more to scare us from eating too much sugar than out of legitimate fear.

But she wasn't alone in her worries. So-called Poison Candy Scares have been pervasive enough to be studied by sociologists. Jan Fernback, now a professor at Temple University, wrote "these legends address deep fears about acts of evil being disguised as kindness [...] they function as a way for us to examine issues of trust in our culture." With neighborhoods too large to possibly know everybody, these concerns still resonate. It doesn't hurt to ask: are we being treated... or tricked?



Misreading the Crowd
Many thought that the Santa Clarita City Council was trying to pass off a trick as a treat at a recent meeting. After the merest of introductions to the idea in July, the council prepared to vote on withdrawing from the Los Angeles County Library System. It was an immensely unpopular idea. While there would be longer hours and more stable funding with the city and the privately-owned Library Systems & Services LLC in charge, LA County management offered free access to over 7 million items held collectively by county libraries run by time-tested, experienced staff. During some four hours of discussion on the issue, dozens of Claritans spoke out against the plan and some 5,000 were reported to have signed a petition supporting county control.

With so little public support, many were astonished when every city council member, except Bob Kellar, voted to withdraw from the LA County Library System. Many of the people most ardently against the move were avid readers, homeschoolers and teachers who used the library weekly or more. Meanwhile, Darren Hernandez, who spearheaded the move to withdraw, admitted that he did not even have a county library card. Residents will get a chance to evaluate the change they didn't ask for beginning in summer 2011.

A Cold, Salty Swim
A group of four swimmers is planning an unprecedented relay between the mainland and Catalina Island, a span of 22 miles. But they won't be splitting the ocean crossing into five-and-a-half mile legs. No, each team member will swim all 22 miles for two consecutive round-trips between Catalina and the mainland. Jen Schumacher, a graduate student, is joining three men from the Santa Clarita Triathlon Club for the relay: Chris Dahowski, David Hartmire and Mike Vovk. Barring Jen, who is just 25 and has made the crossing before, these are no spring chickens. Mike and Chris are 43, and David is 49. Luckily, all are seasoned triathletes, and they'll be motivated to swim for a good cause. All donations benefit Jay Nolan Community Services, which supports autistic and developmentally-disabled individuals to lead more fulfilling lives.

While the money raised will certainly be a treat for Jay Nolan, tricks await the swimmers in the Pacific. Currents have the potential to push them off course, lengthening their swims. Mako, Blue and Great White Sharks - all at least occasional man-eaters - could make unwelcome appearances. But with a huge support team, we hope they'll swim safely and successfully. For more information, visit jaynolan.org and swim22.net.

Safe Bets
Of course, there will be tricks and treats in the traditional, Halloween sense this October, as well. There are haunted houses to explore, parties to attend, candy to give out to adorable, costumed kids and candy to withhold from trick-or-treaters who look old enough to drive to the store and buy their own.

Perhaps the least conventional take on Halloween traditions will be an underwater pumpkin carving demonstration at the Santa Clarita Sports Complex Aquatic Center. It's free to attend and will take place at 6 p.m. on October 23, which just happens to be the night of a full moon. I'm not sure who developed the concept of underwater pumpkin carving, but it has much potential. Strands of pumpkin guts floating up from the water, SCUBA divers with knives, a public pool at night - there's got to be a horror movie in there somewhere. But like the other events, it's sure to be perfectly safe for all parties involved, with the possible exception of the pumpkins. For while we've seen that politicians and mother nature may throw the occasional trick our way, one of the things to heart most about SCV is that we don't usually find tricks unless we go looking for them.
This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions, catty comments and veiled threats intended for the author can be e-mailed to iheartscv@insidescv.com.