February, according to my sister, is the worst of all possible months. We spend the entire fall sedated by Halloween candy, Thanksgiving smorgasbord, leftovers, holiday cocktails, Christmas cookies and New Year's champagne. Work beckons less urgently than other times of the year. Family and friends not only surround us but shower us with gifts and warmth. Then, quite suddenly, we awaken on January second fat, alone and miserable. This desperation triggers New Year's resolutions, which last a few weeks but invariably amount to naught. Finally, we arrive at February and awaken not only fat, alone and miserable, but also depressed by the realization that we are utterly incapable of changing any of those realities.

If you're waiting for a "however," don't. It's not coming. In December we over-indulged, in January we over-corrected, and in February we get back into a routine that might just see us through for a while. For Santa Clarita, too, it's back to the routine.

McLean's Reign, Ferry's Scare
Marsha McLean has been a fixture in Santa Clarita politics for decades. Her appointment as mayor - a title she's held before - is about as surprising as the rising and setting of the sun. This may be the very reason she'll be in charge this year. The city attorney we've had for all of Santa Clarita's cityhood, Carl Newton, is stepping down; we will be committing to a general plan that guides the build-out of the whole valley; and financial concerns remain. Amidst all these changes, she offers predictability. During her one-year term, McLean mentioned that she would like to improve the community's access to information and to increase senior-youth and other cross-generational interactions. This sounds like getting school kids to teach seniors about the internet.

The one person missing from McLean's mayoral-ization was Councilmember Frank Ferry. He took a very frightening turn after undergoing surgery on a cyst found on his pancreas. The cyst's collapse wreaked havoc on his body and he had to receive intensive care. Despite complications like pneumonia, Ferry's condition stabilized, and he moved from enduring to recovering. We hope that by the time this update is in print, there will be more good news about his
on-going recovery.

Crime Spree
Viewed from a geological perspective, even freak events like earthquakes and floods take on a certain regularity, giving rise to ominous statements about being overdue for a major disaster. The same can be said of crimes. Those who have lived in Santa Clarita long enough have gotten used to the irregularly regular frequency of outrageous and shocking offenses. We were overdue.

Perhaps little-noted in the midst of the holidays, when we want to think about humanity's better qualities, was the case of 30-year-old Aaron Tanner. He allegedly: stabbed his mother and pushed her out of the car, which he soon crashed; assaulted a woman and stole the car with her 4-year-old boy inside only to crash that car; stole a Sheriff's car while deputies helped the child, and ultimately drove it through a wall and down a steep hill where it was engulfed by flames; and finally attempted to steal a shotgun and bit deputies as they took him into custody. It all happened in under an hour, moving from Newhall to Canyon Country to Saugus. Tanner was charged with over a dozen felonies including nine charges of assaulting a peace officer. If there can be any good news after such senselessness, it's that no one was killed. And now, thankfully, we're back to a far more routine
crimeless spree.

We Consume, Therefore We Are
As much as February sucks, there's consolation in the fact that after the 14th, we only have to buy stuff for ourselves. Having out-of-town family around for the holidays alerts one to the fact that there are more places to shop than ever ("I didn't know there was an [insert new place here] in town," etcetera). The unquenchable Claritan thirst for newer, better stores is helping Santa Clarita get back into its routine, too.

About mid-way through the fiscal year, we got an update on the state of Santa Clarita's financial well-being. City staff adjusted sales tax revenue upwards by $865,000, crediting recent store openings at The Patios among other factors. These taxes go into the general fund. Grants like those for American Recovery Reinvestment Act projects also filled Santa Clarita's coffers. Of course, grants eventually run out, whereas the need to buy new jeans does not.

Barbara Kruger famously wrote "I shop therefore I am" as a critique of American consumerism. Her statement has an uncomfortable literal truth in Santa Clarita, though - the city exists as it does largely because people buy things and pay sales tax. At least we can take solace in the fact that over-doing it during the holidays helped the neighbors and city we heart keep
on going.
This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions, catty comments and veiled threats intended for the author can be e-mailed to iheartscv@insidescv.com.